After 37 years of living with HIV, the pandemic brought new challenges

This First Person article is the experience of Dave Pineau, a speaker and researcher living with HIV. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

This story is a part of CBC Ottawa's Project Give, our annual holiday drive. The special day of programming runs Friday, Dec. 10, and we'll meet the people who are making the season kind by sharing food through Ottawa Food Bank, and showcasing acts of kindness through the community.

I've been HIV positive for 37 years now.

I was actually one of the lucky ones. I found out early in the disease process, back in 1985.

I was struggling with addictions back then, living off and on the streets, which made it difficult to be in a health care kind of mindset. 

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For a while, it was a never-ending struggle. I even sold drugs for a while to support my habit, when I was on the downtown Lower East Side of Vancouver. I regret that now but back then it was survival. 

When I found out, I was actually doing really well. I'd met a woman and we shared an apartment together. She was working, I was working. She liked to donate blood, so I went with her to donate as well.

A few weeks later, a letter arrived in the mail.

It said, "we regret to inform you that your blood has tested positive for HIV aids."

It was a very short paragraph and at the bottom,"if you have any questions please call Dr. So-and-so."

I don't know if you've ever heard the expression: "See your life flash in front of your eyes?" It was just surreal. I felt so removed from the moment, right? 

I composed myself and phoned the doctor who had sent this letter. I was upset, I had questions.

She started giving me heck for donating blood in the first place because she had asked me if I had ever used intravenous drugs. I said that was a long time ago, I'm not using now and haven't for quite a while. 

She berated me, saying something to the effect of "you should be ashamed of yourself."

I asked her, "How long do I have to live?"

She said "three to five years if you take a multivitamin and stop smoking." And she hung up.

That's the way it was in those days because there was so little information, even doctors didn't understand what they were dealing with.

That relationship broke up soon after.

I moved to Toronto, where I worked as an outreach worker and speaker for The Toronto People with AIDS Foundation.

But I struggled again with addiction, and in 2000, I moved to Ottawa.

For a while, I was living in a rooming house — it was 185 square feet, including the bathroom. But there were drugs around and it wasn't a healthy place for me.

When I got stable housing with Bruce House, it saved my life.

For somebody that has chronic illnesses, if you're always worried about where you're going to sleep and where you're going to eat, you can't take care of yourself. Stable housing is where everything starts, and then you move up from there. 

Now, there's a pandemic. 

Since I'm HIV positive, it's still risky to take public transit. I also have hepatitis C and one or two other minor conditions. Technically, I'm not immunocompromised, as the doctors say I'm on medication and I'm well-managed. But I'm sure they weren't talking about people who have multiple conditions, like me. 

I've always been susceptible to lung infections. Before COVID, it would take me three to four weeks to get rid of a cold an average person would get over in days. It always goes down into my chest every single time.

During this time, the workers at Bruce House started delivering food, including fresh veggies and meat to their clients' doors, with non-perishables from the Ottawa Food Bank.

It said 'we regret to inform you that your blood has tested positive for HIV aids.'- Dave Pineau

It meant I didn't have to go out as often, and put myself at risk. 

It also meant I could save a little bit, especially after the price of groceries went up. It's shocking — I bought a head of broccoli in the produce section recently and it was nearly double the price before COVID. 

Having that little bit of extra money means I can buy things like clothing that I need but have been putting off. Like a pair of shoes that fit, if the Salvation Army doesn't have your size.

There's also the loneliness of this time. Before, I was out every day doing things. Now, I really feel the isolation, and it kind of shifted my life.

The check-in calls and those food deliveries really make a difference. Just half an hour chatting, sometimes about nothing. It's just nice to have that contact. I always look forward to it.

So I wrote the people at Bruce House a thank you note. 

It said: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. Surviving the pandemic because of you."

I mean, it's amusing, but I meant it.

Dave Pineau has worked as a peer research associate, looking at various subjects including the role of stable housing for people with HIV. He was diagnosed 37 years ago.