How to help kids' mental health amid another round of remote learning
Connect with friends, give children a larger role in the home, experts say
Students across Ontario have lost in-person learning, again — so experts are weighing in on how to get through the next few weeks as it will be a challenging time for both children and parents.
Ontario students attending publicly funded and private schools must learn at home until at least Jan. 17, the province announced on Monday.
Deborah Lehmann, executive director of Ottawa-based Parent Resource Centre that supports families, says the organization's counsellors have taken calls from parents since news broke that afternoon.
"[They] are feeling depleted and discouraged," Lehmann said.
Meanwhile Hogan Shank, who's set to graduate from high school after one more semester, says online learning is weighing him down.
"I'm more of a hands-on learner so it does get difficult," said Shank. "School-wise, I think that it's getting a bit frustrating ... It's getting a little on my shoulders now."
Experts say the next few weeks can further exacerbate the ongoing mental health crisis for children and teens, and say these tips may help alleviate some stress in the household.
Recognize 'flags of concerns'
The first step is to recognize "flags of concerns" in children but even in parents themselves, says behaviour coach Sylvia Corzato.
Those flags can include: a sudden change in behaviour that can't be explained; too much, or too little sleep; a change in appetite; lack of engagement in previously enjoyed activities or isolation; and anxiety or panic over leaving the house or being around people or places that were once familiar.
Corzato, a parent consultant with Success in Steps, says not all behavioural changes warrant sounding an alarm, depending on a child's life stage.
"Having tantrums, very normal. Being irritable because they're tired, very normal," she said. "These are great teachable moments, though."
Corzato says one of the best ways to respond is with active listening.
"That's by far the best thing you can do for your child right now, and for yourself," she said.
"You don't have to have all the answers. Just validate what they're feeling. Kids just need to be validated right now, just as much as we need to feel validated."
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Plan, tweak, and be flexible
Outside of a pandemic, families have structure built into their daily schedules — but that's thrown out now, says Michael Cheng, a child and family psychiatrist with CHEO, eastern Ontario's children's hospital in Ottawa.
"When I work with families, we deliberately plan out the day, and write down what people need," he said. "The good news is that we can tweak things."
Since most families are busy, tips like taking an extra 30 minutes to do mindful yoga or meditation aren't realistic.
Instead, Cheng recommends tweaking the family schedule to include small moments of mindfulness.
"Make dinner with the kids. You get them to chop vegetables mindfully," he said as an example.
If you have children who tend to oppose requests, Cheng recommends avoid asking altogether.
"You just say, 'Hey come over here, I need to show you something.' And you give them the knife, give them the veggies ... That way, it avoids triggering that oppositionality in the brain."
Lehmann says while structure is good for online schooling, embracing flexibility and lowering expectations are just as important.
"Flexibility releases you from certain restrictions," she said. "It's those little things you can do in between and to be a bit spontaneous."
Encourage friendship, contribution
When faced with teenagers who resist communication, Lehmann said counsellors find it helpful to have genuine curiosity and ask questions that are important to teens.
"Really dig into what they enjoy doing and what they feel is important to them," she said.
Friendships among teens have also suffered as they've spent less time together in person, she added, so encourage them.
"We've noticed an upswing in the attitude of teens to be more positive when they are spending time at least talking to their friends," she said.
Lastly, Lehmann recommends giving teens bigger roles within the household.
"Sometimes teens don't relate as well," she said. " Teens do want to contribute. They may not show it."
Watch the adrenaline, dopamine rush
"Make kids work for their adrenaline and dopamine," said Cheng, who is a psychiatrist.
Video games and screen time often give too much "free" adrenaline and dopamine quickly. Don't buy cookies, rather bake them together, Cheng referenced as one example.
"For every family, it's going to be a bit different," he said.
Parent consultant Corzato says too much screen time can overstimulate children, and make it hard to have emotional regulation.
"It's really important to give our brain a break and be OK with silence," she said. Teach them to be OK with less screen time by setting boundaries for electronics, she said.
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Grieve the trauma
Cheng works with both parents and their children, so the first thing he recommends people do before any of the above, is "to grieve this collective trauma."
"Work through your denial, and anger and guilt and shame. You need to cry out some tears, or yell into a pillow," Cheng said.
"And then when we move into acceptance, then we can hopefully move toward action."
Need help? Here are some mental health resources:
- Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868
- Youth Services Bureau Crisis 24/7 Line: 613-260-2360 or crisis chat.
- Counselling Connect (for 16+): 613-755-2277
- Ottawa Mental Health Crisis Line: 613-722-6914, 1-866-996-0991 if outside Ottawa
- Distress Centre of Ottawa and Region: 613-238-3311
- Association québécoise de prévention du suicide: 1-866-APPELLE (1-866-277-3553)
With files from Nicole Williams