Island woman explores grief with journal after husband's death

Kim Smith has been writing about her experience with grief since 2016, and now she wants to help others express themselves through the P.E.I. Palliative Care Centre's new My Hope Journal, created in May. 

The journal is a colourful collection of poetry and art from both local and world-renowned artists, with dedicated spaces inside its pages for those who are grieving to draw or jot down their feelings. 

The poetry I wrote, of course, I was thinking of my husband.— Kim Smith

Smith's poetry is featured inside and on the back pages of the journal, decorated with paintings by Islander Terry Stevenson. 

"The poetry I wrote, of course, I was thinking of my husband," Smith said.

"And the poem reflects that he's in this better place, he's in heaven … and happy. While I was left behind in the dark." 

The power of a notebook and pen

Her grief journey began in an eight-week support group held by the centre, following the passing of her husband Martin in 2016, where she was given a notebook and a pen to work out her thoughts and feelings.

Attending the support groups can be extremely difficult, said Mark Buell, a spiritual care provider with the P.E.I. Cancer Treatment Centre and co-facilitator of the centre's support groups.

There have been instances, Buell said, where grievers have sat in their cars in the centre's parking lot, frozen and wrestling with the decision to walk through the doors and join the support group. 

Sometimes they've driven away, he said, sometimes they come back. But not always. 

"It's not always easy when you're deeply grieving to come into a room with other people and to open yourself up and to be emotional in front of other people," Buell said. 

Journaling, through the support group, inspired Smith to begin an online blog she shared with family and friends, which catalogued the ups, the downs, and her general progress. 

"We always, with our grief groups, we always included journaling as part of it ... journaling is a really good way of expressing grief," said Blanche Ward, a social worker and facilitator for the centre's grief support groups. 

Grief is something, if you keep it inside, it's going to create so much turmoil and suffering.— Blanche Ward

Typically each support group lasts eight weeks and gives "grief survivors" a chance to heal together, in a safe environment among people who have had similar experiences, Ward said. 

Interest from other provinces

So far, My Hope Journal has had about 1,000 copies printed and has been made possible through private donations, Ward said. 

The journal's success has even garnered interest from support groups in Ontario and Saskatchewan, which have requested copies to integrate into their own local programs, Ward said.  

"Grief is unique to each and every person. Grief is something, if you keep it inside, it's going to create so much turmoil and suffering within us all. I think it has to be a topic that's out there because some people don't want to admit their grief and it makes it more difficult," Ward said. 

'The best support'

The journal was made by and for those who have experience with grief, Buell said. 

"The best supports to people who are grieving, are people who are grieving, because you can read a book but unless you've been there or unless the person who is trying to support you has been there, it sounds really hollow," he said. Smith agrees. 

"No one can understand a grieving person like another grieving person. And for me that was a lifesaver when I walked into the first group. It really was. If I hadn't had the group to go to, I don't know what I would have done," Smith said. 

It's interesting because I wouldn't be here if Martin hadn't passed away but he has. And I know that he'd be very proud.— Kim Smith

The centre's goal, Ward said, is to continue to garner enough donations to keep printing new editions of the journal featuring new participant's art and poetry. 

Having a hand in creating the journal has been a special experience for Smith. 

"I feel I'm happy and proud and sad. And it's interesting because I wouldn't be here if Martin hadn't passed away but he has. And I know that he'd be very proud of me and that's a big reason why I'm even here today," she said. 

My Hope Journal is available for Islanders battling grief, whether they are in a support group or not, at the QEH Lillibet's gift shop and the Palliative Care Centre with a suggested donation of $10.

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