Why these P.E.I. women got married after 20 years together

Bernadette Mulligan and Catherine Boyd have been a couple for 20 years and a few weeks ago in a backyard ceremony at their home in Kinkora, P.E.I., they finally made it official by getting married.

Mulligan, 69, proposed to her longtime love Boyd, 64, back in May — the day she was 38 years sober. 

I pretended I was straight and I just made up stories about guys.— Catherine Boyd

"Catherine thought I was getting on my knee to ask her to bake some of her cinnamon rolls or muffins!" Mulligan told CBC Radio's Matt Rainnie. "I kind of clown around sometimes."

When it became clear it was a proposal, Boyd agreed right away — "I said of course I'll marry you!" — and they set a wedding date of July 7. 

'I was nervous the reaction we'd get' 

They called their wedding their "coming out day," because while they had come out to close friends, they were many people in their family and community who they hadn't come out to.

"We came out of the closet and had a wedding ceremony," said Mulligan. 

"It was a beautiful day, the weather was gorgeous," said Boyd. "A lot of my family were there and a lot of Bernadette's family was there. When I drove up in the driveway I was so emotional I couldn't talk." 

"It was just so nice to see people even from the community come and see this, because I was nervous the reaction we'd get from the community," Boyd added. 

Growing up lesbian wasn't an easy path for either of them. But they wanted to share their stories for P.E.I. Pride Week this week in hopes of helping others.

"I thought I was different when I was around 11 or 12, because I was attracted to some of my girl friends," said Mulligan.

"I knew that was wrong because I was brought up very strict Catholic in Kinkora," she said. "I kept that part of myself hidden." 

'I lived a double life'

Two days short of her 18th birthday in 1966, Mulligan's father, who had been suffering from mental illness, took his own life. Six weeks later her mother did as well. "Our family was devastated," Mulligan said.

After graduating from high school Mulligan went to visit her sister in Toronto and decided to make her home there for 26 years, working for insurance companies. 

She had never had a drink on P.E.I. but embraced alcohol as an adult.

If you can't tell your truth and you keep it inside, it's just a dark hole of depression and anger and rage and it just gets darker.- Bernadette Mulligan

"I found the drinking helped me forget — it helped me with all the feelings I had of shame and guilt and fear and anger and rage.

"One day I had the courage and I went into a gay bar by myself  — I loved it. I lived a double life: I went to work in a dress, nylons, little high heels, and right after work I became a butch broad and went to the gay bars and drank all night. Nobody knew about that side of my life for years and years. I knew I was living a lie."

She even had boyfriends and got engaged, Mulligan said.

In 1971 at age 23, Mulligan drove her car into a hydro pole in Ontario with the intention of killing herself, she said. Again in 2012, she attempted suicide. "That's darkness," she said. 

"That's why we're sharing our story — because being gay, being transgender, being whatever you are is difficult. If you can't tell your truth and you keep it inside, it's just a dark hole of depression and anger and rage and it just gets darker." 

'My parents found out'

Boyd, too, knew from an early age that she was attracted to women. 

When she was 15, "my parents found out I was seeing a girl in the neighbourhood, and she was much older than me. We had a big confrontation and ended up leaving home." She and her girlfriend moved to Toronto for several years, eventually moving back home to Saint John, N.B.

"The word gay was never brought up — we just lived together and they were OK with it," Boyd said of her family. She never told anyone she worked with she was gay.

It's so hurtful and hard — you never really live your life the way you want to.- Catherine Boyd

"I pretended I was straight and I just made up stories about guys," Boyd said. 

When she moved to P.E.I. Boyd decided she wouldn't tell anyone she was gay either. "They knew I was living with a woman but I left a lot out," she said with a laugh. "I never really came out until July 7, 2018 too! Cause it was the first day I was ever comfortable with it." 

"It's so hurtful and hard — you never really live your life the way you want to. Things you'd life to say, or stories you'd like to tell, or you'd like to go together to things," said Boyd.

"Once I came out it was like a big weight off my shoulders — like, people are OK with this!" she said. "It makes you happy that they finally accept you for who you are." 

'Call her my wife!'

Mulligan said she'd finally had enough of people thinking Boyd was her friend.

"They'd introduce us 'Here's Bernie and her friend Catherine,'" Mulligan said.

"We're gay! Don't call Catherine my friend, call her my wife!" she said.

To their surprise, the reception of the news from everybody has been overwhelmingly warm. "Facebook has gone nuts," said Mulligan. 

"I'm free," Mulligan concluded. "I just love Catherine with all my heart." 

More P.E.I. news