'Death isn't scary and sad': A view from P.E.I.'s palliative care centre

It takes a special kind of person to work in a palliative care centre, caring for people in the final days of their lives, and not often is it a job that health-care workers aspire to.

But sometimes, once they find themselves in that role, there is no turning back.

"I wasn't quite sure what to expect, coming from a structured surgical floor," said licensed practical nurse Tonya Crosby. "I had apprehensions, even after my interview."

Crosby spent the first 15 years of her career outside of palliative care. After seven years inside, she said she's not going back.

"I knew from the moment I walked in the door: This was home. This is where I'll end my career," said Crosby.

"Death isn't scary and sad, for the most part. We have some extremely sad cases. But it can be a beautiful thing as well. I think that's the message that has to get out."

Patients and their loved ones are typically at their most vulnerable when they come to the Provincial Palliative Care Centre. It is an intimate space, with just 10 beds, and a correspondingly small staff that can't help but get to know both patients and their families well.

And that doesn't apply just to the health-care workers.

Doug MacFadyen is the chef at the centre, cooking not just for the patients but also for their loved ones, sometimes bringing a tray to the room, sometimes cooking for a larger crowd at the gazebo on the property.

Like Crosby, he had reservations about working at the centre. Unlike Crosby, he was not an instant convert. His first weekend training at the centre, one of the patients died.

Until I came here I didn't realize death could be a beautiful, peaceful thing. That's what this place taught me.— Tonya Crosby, LPN at Provincial Palliative Care Centre

"That was a hard thing, talking to them the day before, and then the next morning — they had passed throughout the night — the next morning seeing them depart from here. That was a little rough," he said.

"I thought: 'This isn't for me. This is too hard on the mind, too hard on the heart.'"

But he stayed on, and as time passed, he began to find the same joy in developing relationships with the patients that Crosby does.

'I want to chat'

"It was hard to go into the rooms at the start. But now that's probably the best part of the day," said MacFadyen.

"I've had some that I've gone in to get their order and it's like, 'OK, you sit down in the chair here. I want to chat.' And then I look and it's like an hour has passed and I'm like, 'OK, I've got to get back and make dinner or we're going to get takeout.'"

It's a very personal experience, said Crosby, and that's what makes it special.

"Never once in my career did I think that I would end it here," she said. "Until I came here, I didn't realize death could be a beautiful, peaceful thing. That's what this place taught me."

And for that, she is grateful.