Gay and Catholic: How this couple reconciles their faith with their sexual identity
This is Saskatchewan podcast explores what it means to be gay and Catholic
From the outside, Erwin Ottenbreit looked like a traditional Catholic high school teacher. He taught Christian ethics in Regina, was married to the same woman for more than 25 years and raised three children.
"Things started changing, I think, late in the marriage," he told CBC's This is Saskatchewan podcast in its latest episode. "It was a feeling that something wasn't right. Something was lacking in my life."
That something, he came to realize, was a growing distance in his marriage as he started questioning his identity and accepting he was attracted to men.
His wife was the first person he told. While she was initially shocked, Ottenbriet said that first conversation lifted a weight off his shoulders.
"There was a huge upheaval in our lives for sure," he said.
That was nearly 20 years ago. Since then, the family has had time to adjust and preserve their relationships with one another. His ex-wife even attended his wedding to a man.
Ottenbreit has reflected on his faith and how it's changed.
"I'm thinking of all of the things that I used to teach as a Christian ethics teacher, as a Catholic educator, and I wasn't able to live my authentic self while I was in that role," he said.
"Hearing some of the comments about same-sex attraction being an abomination was just something that I couldn't reconcile with myself."
Ottenbriet still considers himself Catholic. He grew up in the church and the traditions have comprised a big part of his life.
"For me to sort of abandon that is something that I'm just not willing to do," he said.
He's thankful the Catholic church under Pope Francis became less rigid in its attitude toward homosexuality.
"I want to be a part of that evolution with them, thinking that as a gay Catholic, I can maybe have a role in others seeing that we're as faithful Catholics as anyone else."
In fact, it was a conference for Catholic educators in Anaheim, Calif., that brought Ottenbreit together with his now-husband David Yaranon.
Yaranon knew he was gay much earlier than Ottenbreit, but said his relationship with the church was strengthened by finding a parish in Santa Monica, Calif., that opens the service with its priest welcoming members of the LGBTQ+ community, those who are divorced and those who may not be traditionally affiliated with the Catholic church.
Ottenbriet was stunned by that greeting when he attended.
"My mouth was wide open. I'd never heard that ever in any church. So it was like I had found my place."
The couple has yet to find a Catholic church in Regina with the same atmosphere.
"The Catholic church, there are good parts to it — and that's what I hold onto," Yaranon said. "The messaging of the love and inclusiveness that's supposed to be happening in the church. I think that's what I liked about St. Monica's … I wish more churches were like that."
Both Ottenbreit and Yaranon want fellow Catholics who are struggling with their gender or sexual identity to know there are people who accept and love them, and who are fighting to get the church to open its arms to them.
"I think that's why I continue to stay Catholic, knowing that there are the LGBTQ+ community out there that will fight for the cause of inclusivity within the church," Ottenbreit said.
"That's what gives me hope."
This story is from the This is Saskatchewan podcast — your connection to the stories Saskatchewan is talking about. Every week, we cover local issues that matter. Hear the voices that are creating change, shaping policy and fuelling creativity in Saskatchewan.
Tune into This is Saskatchewan every Wednesday and Friday on CBC Listen or wherever you get your podcasts.
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