Jann Arden's long road: Entertainer opens up about tumultuous childhood, imprisoned brother, finding herself
Music icon says she's finally at peace with who she is
"Welcome to Jann's road," says Arden, as she leads us down a secluded, snow covered gravel road outside her home in the countryside west of Calgary.
"I love getting out here and walking. It is usually quiet. I've found underpants along here," she says, pointing to the side of the path without changing her tone or cracking a smile.
"You know, old country roads ..."
That dry wit has endeared Arden to fans for years. So too has her humility and honesty, both providing the foundation for a catalogue of songs that helped define Canadian music in the '90s.
After 40 singles, 16 albums and nearly three decades of writing and performing heart-wrenching hits like Insensitive, I Would Die For You, and Good Mother, Arden has cemented her place in the Canadian Music Hall of Fame. The official induction ceremony was to take place March 15 at the Juno Awards in Saskatoon, but the awards were cancelled due to concerns over COVID-19.
The Canadian Music Hall of Fame is the kind of honour usually reserved for someone at the end of an illustrious career. One final, albeit gigantic award in a life filled with them. But at 57, Arden is just getting started.
She is the star of her own sitcom, Jann, which has been renewed for a second season on CTV. She also has a weekly podcast, a new book, a new album, and an upcoming cross-country tour.
Arden is truly riding a wave right now, fueled by a sense of empowerment.
After a rough childhood, years of struggling with drinking, the weight of responsibility that comes with taking care of a parent with Alzheimer's — and the tremendous loss that followed — Arden says she can now look back on it all with a newfound understanding and peace.
"I just think getting older has been such a gift," says Arden. "And as I'm getting older I'm just getting more honest. My dad, my brother, you know, drinking and screwing up, it's been a gift. It's been a gift. I wouldn't change it."
'I was scared of my Dad'
Arden's love of music began in the basement of her family home in Springbank, Alta. At the age of 10, she began sneaking downstairs to escape her father.
"I was scared of my Dad," Arden says. "We all were. You can ask any of my brothers, he was a fierce force to be reckoned with. He was such a big drinker that, in order for me to stay out of his way, I went into the basement."
At the bottom of those steps was where her older brother, Duray, kept a record player. Jann's family had a subscription to the Columbia Record Club, and every month new records would arrive in the mail. Arden would secretly put them on the turntable to escape the storm brewing upstairs.
"It was a form of therapy for me," Arden says. "It transported me away from a very tumultuous family dynamic."
Not too far from the record collection sat her mother's guitar. Eventually, Arden picked it up and started teaching herself how to play:
Music was an escape
Arden says she would spend hours with her mother's guitar, getting sounds out of her head and putting her feelings down on paper. Songs were like secret diary entries, and she quickly filled the pages.
At the same time, her older brother was bearing the brunt of their father's alcoholism.
"He picked on Duray all the time," says Arden. "When my brother was 18, 19, 20, they got into physical altercations. Duray just drank, and he said he would do any drug that he could find. Anything. He went down a different road than me."
That road eventually led to prison. Duray was arrested and charged with first degree murder in the same month that Arden was signed to her first record deal.
Hanging by a thread
Despite maintaining his innocence, for the past 27 years Duray has spent most of his time in a jail cell. Arden has stuck by her brother throughout all of it, making regular visits, but that's not to say he hasn't done bad things, she adds.
"He said, Jann, I don't know what would have happened. I would have killed myself or something terrible would have happened to the people around me had I not been incarcerated," Arden says. "He makes no light of it."
Arden's song, Hanging by a Thread, was written about her brother.
"He hates it," says Arden. "It's kind of hard to get through."
Oh, look at me, at all I've done
I've lost so many things that I so dearly loved
I lost my soul, I lost my pride
Oh, I lost any hope of having a sweet life
So I cry, cry, cry
— Excerpt from Hanging by a Thread, Jann Arden.
'My guiding light'
Duray was granted day passes to visit their mother towards the end of her lengthy battle with Alzheimer's disease.
Four years ago, after a week in the hospital dealing with a heart issue, Arden made the decision to quit a 25 year long drinking problem so she could better deal with her mother's deteriorating health.
"I couldn't be hung over and look after her," says Arden. "I thought, why am I doing this? I feel like I'm a somewhat intelligent woman, but it doesn't work that way, you just can't think that."
Joan Richards passed away in 2018, just after Christmas. The day before, Arden took to Twitter to share this with her followers:
Think good things for my mom. She’s gathering up speed to leave here. No matter how ready you think you are- you’re never ready. <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Alzheimersisneverpredictable?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#Alzheimersisneverpredictable</a>
—@jannardenFor Jann it was the end of a long road, supporting her mother and preparing for her death.
"I really miss my mom. She was such a champion of mine. She just cheered me on my whole life," says Arden.
"That's who I had as my guiding light, and I wish she could've hung around, like, a little bit longer but been sane. But I lost my mom 10 years ago — anyone that's gone through this realizes it's such a hard thing when they don't remember your childhood and they can't answer all your questions and they can't save you. Our parents are always supposed to save us, and sometimes we gotta save them."
'I'm so much more myself'
When asked if she would still be here if she hadn't quit drinking, Arden's response is swift and steadfast.
"No. I really think these last few years I would have done something. My heart was really just, like, so mad. But I'm fine now. I really am. I'm so much better. I'm so much more myself."
Arden looks back on that life of booze-fuelled parties with a sense of regret and disappointment that she went down the same path as her father.
If I knew then
As Arden reflects on all her struggles and all her achievements, she's finding wisdom, power and freedom to live life. She's also been writing it all down in anticipation of releasing a new book later this year.
Arden has titled the book If I Knew Then.
"If I knew how to be compassionate and kinder," says Arden. "If I could have told myself at 25 or 30 years old, 'Listen, you got so much stuff to wade through, but you're going to come out of it the other side.' You know, I think just knowing myself — and it sounds so cliche to know oneself — but it is such a lifelong journey."
The official induction ceremony for her place in the Canadian Music Hall of Fame may be delayed with the cancellation of the Juno Awards, but when Arden does collect the honour, for the first time in her career something — or rather someone — important will be missing. Her best friend, her biggest fan, her mother Joan. Arden says she will be thinking about her in that moment, and everyone else who has played a part in getting her there.
"Every single person that I ever met in my life that helped me, or didn't help me, and how valuable they both were. It's not always about the people that get you up on the horse," says Arden.
"Sometimes it's all the people that aren't cheering you on that make you even more boundless."
WATCH | The National's interview with Jann Arden:
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
With files from Adrienne Arsenault