Comedy·SPORTS

END OF AN ERA: Volleyball legend retires because ow it hurts your arms

Gene Grundleman has accomplished everything one man can in the game of volleyball. But there is one hurdle he has never been able to overcome: how much it hurts when the ball hits your forearms, like holy cow.
(Shutterstock / alphaspirit)

No matter the greatness, no matter the achievements, no matter his or her mastery of the craft, there comes a time when every great athlete sees that the end has at last arrived.

Just like a painter putting down his brush, like a tired film director putting down the heavy camera, there comes a time when the body can no longer support what the mind and soul want to do.

Gene Grundleman has accomplished everything one man can in the game of volleyball. But there is one hurdle he has never been able to overcome: how much it hurts when the ball hits your forearms, like holy cow.

The star takes a moment on his backyard court to describe the feeling when he first began the game over 30 years ago, in 3rd grade.

"I remember it hurt a little bit. It stung, whenever I bumped the ball. I saw that as a minor roadblock — my dad (who never played volleyball himself, he didn't have the fingers for it) — said it would hurt less with time, that my arms would get used to it."

But just as with each new championship, gold medal, and scoring record his legend grew, so did the painful red mark on each of his forearms.

"Every time it's like the first time! Especially if someone hits it really hard — and I've been fortunate enough to play at the highest level. That's certainly rewarding but it also means, let me tell you, all those guys are really strong. They're hitting it more than 100 miles an hour."

"Even if they weren't though, it would still hurt. I've chucked the ball around with my seven-year-old nephew, and wow, it just really hurts when you bump it. I guess it's the volleyball, whatever the ball is made of? Amazing I've never looked that fact up in my entire career."

What will the hero of both sand and gym do next?

"I feel like the sky is the limit," says Grundleman, 42. "I can do anything I put my mind to, and I'm not gonna place any restrictions on myself. I'm interested in philanthropy, in sport, in study, in art, and in commerce."

"I guess if I had one restriction I'm going to place on my future endeavours it would be that they not involve my forearms in any way, or the striking of any part of my skin with any ball or anything moving even moderately fast."

"Because it really hurts. Each time you think maybe it won't hurt as much as the time before but, yep. Stings every time."

And with that, the legend walked off into the sunset, gingerly rubbing both his arms.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.