Blue Jays–watching alternatives that can also stress you out 162 days in a row
Following a season of Toronto Blue Jays baseball is fun and exciting, but it can also be stressful.
If you're concerned that this season might be too much for you, don't worry; following our heroes' exploits on the diamond isn't the only way to feel impotent rage.
If you're not up, or down, for the ups and downs of watching the boys in blue this year, here are some other ways to replace that level of irritation and panic with a slightly milder version of it during this year's MLB season.
• Ask your child to hide a frozen fish somewhere in your house, but not tell you the location. Have them choose somewhere moderately cold, so that the fish will take a full 162 days to completely thaw, and also your child will not remember where they hid that fish. If you do not have children, ask a forgetful relative.
• Every time you go to the store to buy milk, buy the one with the earliest expiry date. Buy at least eight litres of milk. Subtly encourage those in your household to have some milk, but don't press it. Watch the calendar as the days tick by, bringing you ever closer to bags and bags of sour milk.
NOTE: if there is an official milk of the Toronto Blue Jays, do not buy that brand.
• Run a marathon every single day for 5 1/3 months, especially if you have never run even a single kilometre before that.
• Write down a series of terrible puns and give them to a loved one to use. For example, if you are watching a women's soccer game (you will not be watching the Blue Jays but are allowed to watch other sports) and one team is allowing the other to score a lot, they could say, "Who are they, the Goaled-In Girls???" That sort of thing.
Not only will you be irritated by the terrible puns, you'll experience the worst pain of all knowing that you are their creator, like a wordplay Dr. Frankenstein.
• Watch the Detroit Tigers.
Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - follow us on Facebook and Instagram.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
