Comedy·DOGGO

My dog's no mutt, it's a purebred Poodle/Spaniel/Great Dane/Pug/Rottweiler

Never heard of it? Oh... I thought you said you knew about dogs?
(Shutterstock / DavidTB)

I love my dog very much, and would love to take a little time to tell all the world about him.

I have loved and been proud of Darren since the day I brought him home from the shelter.

I gave Darren a human's name because that's fun — but Darren is no human.

He's a doggo, and he's a very specific kind of doggo.

You might not expect to hear that if you saw, Darren. You see, most people who see him guess that he is some kind of "mutt"!

Haha. No no no. Darren is a purebred.

Which breed? Well I couldn't name just one, of course. Darren is many specific types of dog.

You see, his mother was a Poodle/Spaniel/Great Dane, and his father was a Pug/Rottweiler, which I guess makes Darren a purebred Poodle/Spaniel/Great Dane/Pug/rottweiler.

So he's a Great P'grot St. Poospan.

And if your answer to that is, "I've never heard of a Great P'grot St. Poospan," my reply to you is: oh. This article is for people who know a bit about dogs.

Well, no matter.

It's a lovely breed, and it gets along with most anyone. Sometimes it's grumpy, but then after a walk or some food it cheers up again.

People will ask me, "does it have any of the stubbornness of a Poodle?"

I don't understand why it would. It's not a Poodle.

"Is it playful and excitable like a Rottweiler?" they'll ask me.

No, I'll say.

It is playful and excitable, yes, but it's playful and excitable like a purebred Great P'grot St. Poospan.

I hope that you find your own purebred Great P'grot St. Poospan someday.

And if not, a mutt would be fine as well. I used to have one of those.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.