Whoa, Tyler ordered 3 slices for Pizza Day: an oral history

Pizza Day is the most important day of any school year. Here, we present an oral history that captures all the drama of the momentous event.

BRENDAN: So it was Pizza Day in Ms. Vallik's fifth grade class a couple months ago. It only comes twice a year, so we were all ready. Well, I guess some of us were more ready than others.

SARAH: When I looked over at Tyler, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Three. Pieces. The limit is two, in case you were wondering. It's always been two!

BRENDAN: Nobody's ever gotten more than two. Because you can't.

DESMOND: The question isn't why he did it. That answers itself: like climbing Mount Everest, you do it just to do it. We all would have, if we could have figured out a way. No, the question is… how did he do it?

BRENDAN: Did he invent a fake second classmate? If so, why didn't he have that fake classmate also order two slices, so that he could end up with four? If three is the goal, four is surely the dream.

SARAH: Because he's a genius is why! That would have attracted too much attention. "Say, who's this unknown new boy who's also ordering the full amount of pizza slices? He must be big, so he'll be easy to spot!" No. Tyler's too clever for that. Tyler's too hungry for that.

BRENDAN: Yeah, that must have been what happened. The teacher kept calling "Oliver! One slice for Oliver!," but there was no Oliver. There is no Oliver.

DESMOND: To do it right under the teacher's nose was probably the most daring part of all.

MS. VALLIK: I mean, certainly I didn't care. I noticed, I just didn't care. Oh gosh, do they think I care?

SARAH: But he seemed prepared to deal with any and all consequences.

MS. VALLIK: Who would care about something like that??

BRENDAN: It's tough to know what a guy like Tyler could achieve going forward. Not just in sixth grade, but in seventh grade and then also the rest of his life.

DESMOND: In seventh grade, I hear they get a Hot Dog Day. Good luck with Tyler not eating all your hot dogs, seventh grade teacher.

SARAH: Guy could go into any business and rule it with those kinds of techniques. The acquisitions business. The restaurant business. The pizza restaurant business. The sky's the limit. What he showed me that day proves he'd conquer any of them.

BRENDAN: He's my hero.

DESMOND: What a guy.

OLIVER: He didn't "invent" me, I've been in the class all year. I don't know why nobody ever notices me. He took my slice.

SARAH: Just the best.

OLIVER: I only wanted one!

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