Woman buys $30,000 truck to use customer bathroom at Ford dealership

CALGARY, AB—Who among us hasn't popped out on a Saturday afternoon to grab coffee and the newspaper and begrudgingly returned home with an all-new 2017 Ford F-150?

Marianne Wilcox, 34, had initially planned to spend a lazy day window-shopping with a latte this past weekend, meandering in and out of bookstores and clothing boutiques with just $36 in her wallet and Yanni Live at the Acropolis on repeat in her earphones.

"It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon and I was lost in the depths of Yanni's velvet throat. And before I knew it, I'd wandered out of the downtown and into a weird industrial area," she recalls. "And god damn it, I needed a bathroom really badly but by that point, I was a 40-minute walk from my house."

Wilcox surveyed the only bathroom options around her – a Ford dealership and an indoor paintball centre.

"Look, I had several errands left to do. I simply didn't have time to single-handedly embody the military-industrial complex and all its associated emotional ramifications while mentally navigating the inherent and ongoing crude performance of gender it so casually espouses."

At that point, Wilcox's only solution was to amble sheepishly into the Ford dealership, where she cranked the charm, pointed to the bathroom with shrug and a helpless smile, only to be met with the palpable disdain of floor manager Allan Alanson, who informed her that unfortunately, the bathroom was for paying customers only.

"Ugh, I own two cars already," Wilcox sighed, but her rapidly escalating physical discomfort had suddenly opened a portal to a world where it was normal and fine for a single woman who works at the veterinary clinic directly across the street from her home to own two Toyota Prii plus a full-size sport utility vehicle built for off-roading in the harshest of weathers.

"God, I really had to pee," Wilcox explained. "So I thought, 'Okay, OKAY, I'll just grab something quick.' They didn't have gum or Mars bars up at the front cash, so unfortunately it was just gonna have to be the most fuel-efficient truck in its class with the most towing power and the best payload."

As Wilcox hastily placed the truck down on the cashier's counter, maxed out eight different credit cards, and politely declined the cashier's offer of a bag for her purchase, she asked if she could quickly use the bathroom before she sped off the lot, to which the cashier replied, "Certainly, ma'am, it's just down the hall."

At press time, Wilcox was planning a coffee date with a friend in Calgary's Rare Antique Diamond Vase District, adding that she'd make special efforts to ensure her bladder was 100% empty before she went.

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