Kind at Christmas, and kind of broke: Here's my plan for less holiday stress
Holiday season is quickly approaching, and as usual, I have no money. So, other than for children (who will receive bought presents), I've decided to give something else this year.
I'm not being stingy, and I'm definitely not being mean-spirited. I really want to just be kind. That's why I'm giving most people baked goods and good vibes.
You would think that being kind to people at Christmas would be a no-brainer. It is, after all, the "most wonderful time of the year" and "a time of good cheer" and all that.
But for many people, it's a stress-filled, expensive and often lonely time.
I worked as a waitress for many years, and the holiday season was a mixed bag. It meant many more hours and sometimes a lot more money, but it also meant a lot more stress.
I've spoken with other servers, bartenders, retail workers, taxi drivers, hotel workers and airline workers, and all told me that the Christmas season was the most stressful for them.
Some said the extra hours and extra money made up for it. However, in my experience, any extra money I made at Christmas was spent on Christmas.
I could also have done without all the 12-plus-hour shifts and crazy-busy workplaces. I certainly could have done without the extra stress of people being mean to me.
One of my server friends told me that someone threw mashed potatoes at him on New Year's Eve because the potatoes weren't hot enough.
A friend in retail describes the bullying behaviour of some people she serves at Christmas. She works in a small independent business that is unable to offer the same services as the large chain stores. People don't seem to understand that.
Deadlines, demands, rushing around
Why are we mean to others at such times? I don't think it's because we're awful people. It comes from deadlines, demands, work, rushing around and the high expectations of the season.
Lots of people work extra hours at Christmas, and everyone has a million more things to do, so we're stressed from the start.
I have a friend with small kids who is grateful for online shopping because it allows her to shop at her leisure, away from the hustle and bustle. She told me a story of how she once stole a parking space from someone waiting for it because she just had to get to a store before it closed. She says that behaviour isn't normal for her but the situation — the frenzy created from needing to get the right gift — brought out the worst in her.
Online shopping may work for some, but that creates other problems, primarily the loss to local businesses. (Would vendors prefer losing business or dealing with stressed-out shoppers yelling at them? Probably the yelling, but can't we have another option?)
My own strain comes usually from not having anything done (my own fault), working way too many hours, and not having the time or money to buy the things I want to get for people.
Then there are the emotions of feeling bad or lonely, when we're supposed to feel nothing but joy.
Things can turn on a dime for our emotions when the holidays arrive. Last Christmas, I was picking up some things and was feeling pretty good, and then my card was declined. The bank had put a hold on my cheque — on Dec. 23.
It ended up being a mistake but it put me in a foul mood. I called the 1-800 number, and even though I was very angry, the person on the phone was so good to deal with, she calmed me down considerably. She was calm, and I became calm. She took the hold off my cheque and it all worked out.
Baking things isn't free, but it's preferable than buying things I can't afford.
Another friend was flying home to Newfoundland from Ottawa one year, very close to Christmas. The flight was cancelled for some reason, and he said he was one of the only people who didn't get angry at the person working the desk. You can imagine the stress in that situation; I too would probably also be angry, upset and worried that I may not get home.
My friend remained calm and in a few hours, the person working the desk quietly put them on another flight — in first class. I remember that story and think, maybe the kindness my friend showed came back to him.
Christmas falls in that time of year of dark, short days when winter is closing in, when the weather gets stormy, when Christmas music is constant, and when there's a spending frenzy all around us.
Stress can flow to the top, and people often take out accumulated frustrations on others. My retail friends tell me that when someone enters the store in a bad mood, it's fairly obvious. They know that person may take out their frustrations on the staff.
Cookies and good vibes
That takes me back to cookies, good vibes and my own intentions.
Baking things isn't free, but it's preferable to buying things I can't afford.
Maybe my motivations are selfish.
I recognize that giving presents also brings joy and that sometimes we have to buy things for people. But there are other ways of giving — including volunteering and donating to charities.
It makes me feel better to be nice to people. I can tell people are overworked and it will help my Christmas to be a bit kinder.
This season is supposed to be about love and joy, so getting so worked up over it isn't good for anyone.
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