What's that I hear? The unmistakeable sounds — and feelings — of getting older

Once upon a time, I compared my body to Tracey Chapman's Fast Car, filled with hope, freedom and adventure. 

Today, my car song is Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. 

I am that clanking cartoon jalopy, with its sputtering engine, rattling muffler, loose bolts and nuts, and leaking fluid. Too much information, but the arse is out of 'er.

I've lost a few parts, tonsils and a gallbladder. My body does not keep up with the Kardashians, and is now more of a "fixer-upper." Ingrown toenails have been removed, there was a lumpectomy, wisdom teeth were wrenched out from the roof of my mouth, and a few weeks ago, a molar departed. 

I worry if the tooth fairy doesn't come soon, Betty, our beagle, will eat it.

Since I had my sound system updated with hearing aids, I never hear the Sound of Silence anymore. 

Ordinary sounds are enhanced. A knee bend sounds like ice cracking on a semi-frozen pond. A turn of my head serves Rice Krispies with a snap, crackle and pop.

My knees buckle before my belt does. Who am I fooling? I haven't worn a belt for years; my belly holds my pants up.

I still ask myself, "What is life? What is reality?" 

But more times it's, "Liz, have you seen my car keys?"

Wear and tear? Oh, yes

Aging is complex. It is a combination of genetic, environmental and lifestyle factors. It is many small changes that add up over time.

Let me run this diagnostic. 

There are 78 organs in the human body. As we get older, our cells and tissues go through natural wear and tear, like a car, and this gradually causes a loss of efficiency. This leads to physical and, at times, mental changes over time.

That sounds nonchalant, but changes in my mental health last year had me worried enough to see a doctor. 

I was tested for dementia and/or ADHD. I had one of them. 

"Squirrel!" 

Now … what was I saying?

People over 65 are called many things: elderly, senior citizens, golden agers, old folks, retirees, pensioners, the elder generation, wise old ones, and OAPs, or old age pensioners, if you like. 

Today, Statistics Canada refers to people over 65 as "older adults." As of July 1, 2022, there were 7.3 million Canadians entering the geriatric zone. That's roughly the population of Toronto and Hamilton.

This aging is not only happening in Canada. By last year, 10 per cent of the world's population, or 771 million people, are older adults. I, you, we are not in this alone. None of us will get out alive.

Fine lines and wrinkles, once on the ironing board, now grace my face.

When did I get old? I catch myself talking to my geraniums. I realize if they had hands they would Cher-slap me and tell me to "snap out of it!"

Think happy thoughts. Remember life is short, so kick up your heels … and then I remember, that's how I got bunions.

Longevity involves genetics, lifestyle choices and environmental factors and there is no secret answer. However, strategies and tips can help us age well and fingers crossed, increase our lifespan.

Here are a few:

• Stay active, eat healthy, drink lots of water, and see your doctor for regular check-ups.
• Keep your brain stimulated with puzzles, reading, or learning.
• Get enough sleep. In fact, get lots of sleep.
• Find a way to de-stress and relax.
• Remember that everyone has stress and problems; don't be shy or embarrassed to seek support.
• Socialize with friends and laugh often.

"You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing," goes a famous quote attributed to the playwright George Bernard Shaw. 

Put your rear in gear, pack those tips, put a smile on your face and go. 

Growing old is a wild ride, but it's way better than the alternative. 

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