Without Frank Gruben, a 'heartbreaking' Christmas for his family

Laura Kalinek says every day that passes since her son Frank Gruben disappeared, she misses him more.

"It's heartbreaking," she told CBC in an interview earlier this month.

"Not a day goes by that I don't think of my son. And with Christmas… it's tough. But I have to be strong for my family, for myself."

Frank Gruben was last seen on May 6, 2023, in Fort Smith, N.W.T., just two days after his 30th birthday. 

A young Inuvialuit Gwich'in man and a proud member of the 2SLGBT (two-spirit, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) community, Frank had recently moved to Fort Smith from his home community of Aklavik to upgrade his high school courses at Aurora College.

After he was reported missing, elders from Salt River First Nation began a search for him, and RCMP opened an investigation into his disappearance, but neither turned up any promising leads on what might have happened to him.

In late May, RCMP spokesperson Matt Halstead told CBC that the initial RCMP investigation had not found any evidence of foul play in Frank's disappearance.

Almost eight months later, his family still doesn't have any information about what might have happened to him.

'He was always happy'

Kalinek remembers Frank as an easygoing, "jolly" person who had lots of friends and loved spending time with them. He loved cooking for his loved ones. He was passionate about the Gwich'in language, and spoke it well.

"He was always happy," Kalinek said. 

He was also a really great big brother.

Kalinek said Frank had a special connection with his younger sister Kimberlyn, who is 10 years old and has been diagnosed with autism and Down syndrome. Kalinek called Frank Kimberlyn's "rock" — the one in the family who could always communicate with her. 

Adding to the family's pain over Frank's disappearance is the fact he isn't the first person in their family to go missing.

In 1983, when she was 13, Kalinek's father travelled with his sister to Hay River to attend a Dene Nation meeting, and was never seen or heard from again.

The RCMP confirmed to CBC earlier this year that his missing persons file is still active. 

"With this happening, It just brings up everything again," she said.

"Now to deal with my son missing, I don't even know, some days it's so hard. I never want anyone to go through this without knowing the answers."

'No one wants to help'

Kalinek said she feels some anger toward the RCMP about how they have handled Frank's case so far. 

She said in the early stages of the search, she felt police didn't really help. Elders from Salt River First Nation led the search for Frank, without resources from police like dogs.

She is also unhappy with the communication she has received from police throughout the investigation.

"They didn't want to help me," she said. "Still that's how I feel, that no one wants to help.

"I just need answers."

It's a concern other members family members and advocates have voiced as well. Earlier this year, Frank's brother Steven Gruben told CBC he felt the RCMP weren't doing enough to investigate Frank's disappearance, and weren't sharing updates with the family. 

In October, then-Nunakput MLA Jackie Jacobson echoed those concerns in the N.W.T. legislature, asking R.J. Simpson, who was justice minister at the time, to personally call the family and update them on the plan for the future of the investigation.

CBC reached out to police to request an interview with RCMP about Frank's case, which was declined. In an emailed response, RCMP Cpl Matt Halstead said the case is still "open and active", but there are no new updates. 

Earlier this year, RCMP Supt. Dyson Smith defended the work the N.W.T. RCMP were doing to find Gruben, saying that officers were following all leads, and that an internal review found "bias-free policing" had been employed in every step of the investigation. 

'A lot to be grateful for'

For Kalinek, the bright spot in this dark time is all the people who came forward to help their family search for Frank, from those Salt River First Nation elders who led the search for him, to his friends in Fort Smith who put up signs, to everyone in Aklavik who has supported her.

She also takes comfort in prayer, and in singing her favourite song, Ride Out Your Storm.  

Recently, she said it's also helping that a lot of her extended family on her husband's side is visiting from Inuvik for the holidays. It's especially nice to have more kids around the house, she said.

"They make us happy, they keep us busy. We're always doing something together," she explained.

"There's a lot to be grateful for." 

Anyone with information about Frank Gruben is asked to call the Fort Smith RCMP at 867-872-1111 or Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS (8477).