Families live with grief of hit and runs, but psychologist says some drivers feel no empathy

Whomever drove the truck that hit Cody Joss and left him on the street to die, read up — his mother has a message for you.

"Give us what we so desperately need, and that's a bit of closure," Sherri Duka said.

"Our hearts and souls will never completely heal because forever a piece is missing."

Duka talked to the CBC in response to the recent spike in hit and runs in Winnipeg — four in the past month, one of them fatal.

Each incident resonated with Duka. In December 2014, her son Cody, 21, was crossing Inkster Boulevard when he was fatally struck by a dark-coloured truck. The driver fled the scene and to this day has not been found — a fact that adds an extra layer of pain to an already open wound.

"It's like this person has no remorse," Duka said. "It's like, 'OK, I hit him. He died. Now I'm going to go home and eat dinner.'"

Robyn Werner knows exactly what Duka is going through. Werner's son, Chris Nero, was 22 in May 2015 when he too was hit by a vehicle while crossing Inkster Boulevard. For two weeks, no one knew who the driver was.

"Being outside, being anywhere, the person driving beside me, the person in the grocery store could be the one who killed my son," Werner recalled.

"I can't even put into words how horrible that was."

Within weeks, though, thanks to tips from the public, the driver was identified and arrested. Last month, the 77-year-old man pleaded guilty to failing to stop at the scene and public mischief. He was sentenced to nine months in jail, putting an end to the heartache of limbo that comes with unresolved cases.

"It helped immensely. It definitely brought closure," Werner said. "But to this day, I can't understand how he could have just driven away without helping my son. How can someone do that?"

Dr. Paul Clements thinks he has the answers. Clements, a forensic and psychiatric specialist with Drexel University in Pennsylvania, has done extensive research into the psychology of hit-and-run drivers. His assessment is twofold: either the driver is too scared to stick around, or too cold to be bothered.

"Usually, if the driver flees, it's an instinctive moment of panic, so they automatically go into 'fight or flight' mode," Clements told the CBC. "After, the remorse sets in. Their moral conscience catches up with them."

That's when they turn themselves in to the authorities or live with the consequences.

"If they don't come forward, they suffer. For the rest of their lives," Clements said.

The other kind of driver is the one who has a "personality disorder." They're the ones who walk away and refuse to feel guilty. They may even blame others for the collision. They don't feel empathy for the victim or the families left behind, Clements said.

Regardless, Sherri Duka does not know why the driver who killed her son has not come forward. She tries, she said, not to think about it.

"I can't spend my energy on that, positive or negative," she said. "I try to focus on Cody. His contagious smile. His kind heart. He loved everybody."

And while Robyn Werner has the closure that comes with an arrest, she shares Duka's pain and she also has a message for the drivers involved in the recent hit and runs.

"You've done something wrong," Werner said. "You need to come forward and face the consequences, because we have to face the consequences of what you did."

Winnipeg Police ask anyone with information about Cody Joss's death, or any other hit-and-run accident, to call (204) 986-6271 or Crime Stoppers at (204) 786-TIPS (8477).